Friday, February 3, 2012

The Girl Version of The One Night Stand


{Note to regulars: This one was written for a magazine and I finally decided not to go with it. So there might be a paragraph in there that you've already read. But the rest is all new, I promise. That's what I do when I'm desperate - plagiarize my own stuff}

You know what makes me cringe more than men who cover their mouths daintily while laughing? Women who try to act like men in relationships. I mean, I just don't see the point. The way I see it, men and women are wired in radically different ways - I even have a theory about that. 

It basically goes like this: I believe that for men, everything belongs in two boxes - Can and Can't. They can get the job, they can get the girl, they can fix the TV (without any technical knowledge to back them up whatsoever), they can find the place without a map. See? Everything is a challenge and everything is ultimately, about winning. Hence the chase and the predictable withdrawal after laying hold of the prize. 
For women on the other hand, the boxes are Like and Dislike. They go out with guys who are obviously wrong for them because they like them. They quit jobs because they dislike the boss. They endure 6 inch heels because they like it. So while the average woman does experience aforementioned psychotic need for autonomy and winning, I tend to believe it happens in bouts that are few and far between. 

So every time I find a woman crushed by morning-after-rejection and consuming way too much chocolate, I am very tempted to carry a Handycam and tape the whole damn thing and put it up on National Geographic or something. I mean, alpha males - while they will always have the capacity to make us go weak in the knees - are among the most predictable of creatures on the face of the earth. So why be surprised when said rejection happens? Why label it 'rejection' in the first place? Because when you feel rejected, it's only natural to respond to it in one of two ways - use Nutella to hold your self-esteem together or try to stay one step ahead and dish out rejection before you're faced with any - that is, turn into a man.

I believe it's because of fear-based reasons such as these that many (not all) women settle for such concepts as The One Night Stand. I mean, a typical woman has very little to gain from a one night stand - there's usually some conversation (sometimes not even that), some chemistry, a couple of drinks, sex and bada-bang, it's all over. What the hell? I say, if you are going to settle for something as pointless as a one night stand, at least have the girl version of it.

I don't know about you, but when I meet well-read, well-spoken, funny men, I like to keep them around. You know? For conversation. They are not easy to come by and I'm not about to throw them away on random sex. I mean, sex - if one is looking for it - is easy enough to find. Intellectually stimulating conversation or one that would have me in splits however, is not. So the idea is to take that Picking-up-a-girl-at-the-bar scenario and turn it on its head.

My idea of a one night stand would involve great conversation, little or no alcohol and lots of laughter. That's all. No exchange of numbers, no taking guy back to the apartment, no promise of seeing him again and certainly, no sex. And every week, there'll be a different guy and I'll have all these great conversations. Imagine all the fun possibilities -  I'll keep the well-read type to discuss my favourite books,  the player masquerading as the sweet and sensitive type to complain about my day, the charming guy who opens doors and pulls chairs to feel adored and special, the adventurous travel writer type to hear some great stories (true or not) and on and on.

And since men are wired to view this situation through their Can-Can't lens, they are most likely to take this as a challenge - an invitation to fight. And win. And this time, they are going to try harder. How fun! All I have to do is ensure I don't actually fall in love with one of them. And since they're trying harder, I can even afford to be fussy and shrewish about such things as punctuality, choice of flowers and choice of restaurant. And since I'd be juggling so many of them, I'd be sure to cancel or reschedule one of my dates every now and then. And though I'm not playing a mind game, the guy is likely to think I am and this will only spur him on to try even harder because by now he's created an illusion of two people playing each other and he is itching to win.

Imagine what a convenient arrangement this could be - I'd have a super fun date every weekend, a reason to play dress-up, there will always be someone to test my relationship theories on and I'll never be bored. And that would be the ideal one night stand - an immensely fun night that never ends. I know, I know, it's unreasonable, impractical and utterly far-fetched.

But I did say this is the girl version.


31 comments:

  1. I prefer the girl version. It's so less stressful and leaves the rest to work itself out - as it always was supposed to be :)

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  2. Elaam nenappu daaan....seri it all has to have a beginning la...so I guess living such a thought in the mind is the first step..so that's a score..!!!

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  3. As always, a wonderful update.
    A friend borrowed my copy of Two Fates. I'm spreading the loooove. :)

    Eager to read more from you.

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  4. Of late, I'm beginning to wonder whether you may be a little too disillusioned about sex and its many wonders. Don't diss it so much also no.

    Sex is good. Really!

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  5. In essence, you want many different men at your beck and call or dancing at the click of your fingers so to speak. Which woman wouldnt want that? If this was an ideal world.... if wishes were horses.....

    But it makes for a great day dream.... Thanks Judy!!!

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  6. Is this REALLY what girls want... A one-night conversation stand? No relationships, just a shallow, on the surface interaction with some guy who gets picked up? I mean, I wouldn't mind getting picked up at a bar by an attractive woman (ok ok, let's just pretend this is a 32-year old talking) and having a stimulating conversation with her, lots of humor and laughs, but this seems like a premeditated attempt at taking the guy for a ride... A little deceptive, no? Also, there are better ways of handling rejection than by going through life with the fear of more of the same. We guys aren't all that bad! :)!

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  7. Waah ! Looks in awe :D !! Brilliant idea , and no this could actually work , its not impractical at all. Maybe the retaining them part , but the new experience every week :)New stories , new experience and no boredom ;)

    Loved the post Judy :D

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  8. OMG I just realised Iv had a lot of these One Night Stands (the Girl Version of course!), after I got married. You've hit the nail spot on its head, I say. This one had me sigh, chuckle and nod my head in wholehearted agreement.

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  9. A great philosopher once said, " if you want great conversation, no alcohol and lots of laughter, get the iPhone Siri"...

    Aaah, as much as I 'Like' the girl's version (honest! :)), I still 'Can't' do without the good ol reason y people hv one night stands in the first place.. :)

    The girl's version is kinda cute but I still think this method is taking the guy for a royal ride( n not exactly the one he was hoping for.. :) )...but why be hard on the guy who took the pain to get a girl drunk, make polite conversation (ooh, that's a toughie!) n finally when he does manage to get her to the room.. then more conversation??? Ouch, that's pretty cruel... :)

    Come to think of it, I still prefer the guy's version; I'll probably reserve the girl's version for weddings, relatives n people I meet at church :)

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  10. Judy Judy Judy....Can I again say, I love your posts.like, Love them :D

    To this one...thumbs up!!And totally agreed..:D

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  11. My sweet sympathies for all the men you get to have one night stand/sit/sleep/walk/run with... Sincerely, the girl's version, if looked from the big eyes that girls are rather proud to have looks cute and I fail to refute that it indeed is cute....

    But, oh bwoy, poor bwoy, who takes all the pain of doing the talk and walk and after all that a mind block to see the sex-lock in your ideas with no key to be happy, must read this post before doing all that... Yes, it's true all men are not the same and therefore some might just like the idea being put forth to a level of experiencing what you suggest (painfully, he might realize the pain later though)... Still many would rather say, "Oh Judy, I am here not to do the expected one-night-standing-duty, but to appreciate the beauty, and if you still want me to do the duty then - ummm... I guess there would be another cutie..."

    Ah!!! I don't mean to be rude for the rare comments I make on any body's blog but having said what I said - I really appreciate the innovative idea and also believe that even after having done what you call as one night stand, there'd be sometime left in the morning - early morning - and that can be the time to do what we do to do :)

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  12. First time here, so apologies for posting without an intro. I haven't come across this particular girl's version before so, have to say, very original!

    I've been reading your blog for the past hour (Hey, I don't work weekends, and I have to keep myself busy while the kids are watching cartoons and my wife is having a good ol' via-Skype chinwag with her sis-in-law) - so I've forgotten now how I got here :). Age is creeping up on me, as the venerable ol' Injun chief said to the outlaw Josey Wales.

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  13. So its about 'can' and 'like', and their opposites. So four combinations. Thus the one-something-stand is happening on a probability of one-by-four, twenty five percent!
    Less or More? Depends.

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  14. Ah! I love this...stand all night n talk!! ;)
    great idea, must say!! :)

    PS: If you justify the post content before posting, it would look better! :)

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  15. While I cannot agree with your concept of "Women who try to act like men in relationships", I am intrigued by the girl's version of a one-night-stand. Also I wouldn't say no to some girl-on-girl action. :P. I hope you know what I mean.

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  16. Interesting to see how the men have reacted to your post, vs the women. I'd say their comments confirm your points exactly. Awesome.

    On the other hand I think it's sad that you're right about the girl version -- that it's "unreasonable, impractical and utterly far-fetched" -- Why? Why is it that it's more reasonable and practical for a woman to be wined, dined, sexed, then put on the doorstep to move along? Sad.

    (P.S. Love the detail about the Nutella. Heh.)

    Thanks for the post.

    dbstevens, kickingcorners.blogspot.com

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  17. I feel it all about seeking pleasure.Your version is seeking pleasure from talking about your books or talking about various stories that one day could figure in your blog or books.The other version also seeks pleasure not from intellectual conversations because one may have no interest in writing or reading but from using another senses (sexual in this case) so both of your versions are doing the same thing and that is seeking pleasure and let me tell you one could seek pleasure from doing nothing also so there is nothing wrong as long as you seek pleasure from your senses, theres nothing wrong with a night stand or with a book stand because both are same.

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  18. Oh wow! Great idea!! Talk about nailing it!

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  19. Wow, wow, wow!
    From vigorous nods from the ladies and people wondering if I'm disillusioned about sex to serious philosophizing about seeking pleasure and random girl-on-girl mention! (Somebody always brings up girl-on-girl for no reason).

    Just to clarify -

    Igrit: No, no, I love sex! Just happen to think it's the highest form of communication and therefore needs a gradual (and logical) build up from conversation to friendship to intimacy. It might be old-fashioned but it just makes sense to me.

    @Sureshlala: Oh, dear God. I never implied that guys are bad. I mean, I say it a lot on my blog that I actually LIKE men. And no, this is not what I want in the place of a relationship. I've said "If you're going to have something as pointless as The One Night Stand..at least have the girl version of it.." So this is clearly addressing women who go for One Night Stands but may in fact be settling for the male version :D

    Prashant Pacific: You lost me at the limerick :|

    Saurabh Jain: Deep! But this isn't about right or wrong. This is about two versions.

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  20. Judy, I read about your book Two Fates in The Hindu and thats how I got here to read your blog ( since yesterday basically lol). And since then I've been hooked onto them. I like the way you write, express on such different issues which usually never occur to us.

    And as far as this one is concerned I LOVED IT! Would be real fun to do something like this.

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  21. ooh I love it! and I didn't realize I am actually doing this too, not till i read this! :D

    I feel better now that I have a definition for what I'm doing! (although, I gotta say, it's with just ONE guy, not multiple guys)

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  22. @shabda: Err, manliness? :|

    @hereslookingatme: Oh, one guy is too risky. You could fall in love ;|

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  23. first time reader of old news paper supplements. A small write-up of your 'spoof'(?) that's how I came to ur blog.

    Random sex? Really? Its like tea @ a random tea kadhai, you never know whether the tea will b good.

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  24. Ha ha..lovely.

    How about this version? ;-)

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  25. Sounds logical actually!! Married, but still want to try this out!

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    Replies
    1. Its worth trying... Archana..
      Judy's way of looking at things is actually weird yet unique.. And eventually you end up having that good time that too without those usual things..

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  26. Jude.. This one go way too much.. Sales of liquor and contraceptives would go down drastically.. Tch tch..

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  27. awesome theory ..really interesting!

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  28. awesome theory .....must try it out soon!!

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